Where I Sit

More often than not I am blissfully unaware of what is actually going on around me. I swear, sometimes I walk into people and walls that I actually see prior to impact. Sometimes I am being spoken to (directly spoken to...like 5 feet away from my face and calling me by name), and I am staring into space. Sometimes I am upset, really upset, and I have no clue (no clue until I overflow into a pond of over-analysis and despair, of course). Sometimes I am so happy about something that I can't even take the time to wrap my mind around and enjoy.

People talk about meditation and the like - truly being with one's surroundings and senses...all that jazz. There is a lot to be said for mindfulness. I like to think I am generally mindful, but know that usually...I am not. How do I know? Because the moments when I realize I am completely in the now, overwhelmed by a beautiful sensory overload, completely aware of every movement and moment around me, I am in simultaneously in awe and at peace. And in those moments, I realize I don't feel this way very often.

When I think about it, I have a really hard time just sitting still and being okay with the fact that I am sitting still. Even if I can't control the random bouncing of my legs or the sporadic twitch in my left eye, it is the moments when I am still enough to be conscious of my body and my thoughts that I really become aware of where I'm at.

Welp, this is where I sit...today:

- I started this post by channeling Ron Swanson:
 

(I obviously cleaned it up a little bit since)

- I sit at my desk, my parking spot of a desk in a giant contractor cube/barn. I sit here on the day that marks exactly one week until my final day at this desk (and my current job at large). What the what? That feeling I'm feeling as I sit here...I think it's called bliss.

- The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. First my apartment flooded, was torn up, and then speckled with an army of heavy duty fans. Thankfully I had a trip to Boston planned and was able to escape. I spent five days in Beantown right after giving my two weeks notice. I arrived home last night, will spend this week packing and cleaning, and then trek back to the wonderful bubble that is State College where I will dog sit for the 'rents while they take a much needed vacation...and then I will nestle into my new apartment. As I sit here, I recognize that the feeling of being in limbo recently is completely appropriate. I don't feel like I still live in my current apartment...I don't feel like I still work at my current job...I don't live in my new apartment yet...and I don't work at my new job yet. Jack be limbo, Jack be quick....

- I have now listened to the same album on repeat 3 times today - not on purpose, but because Spotify has kindly started it over...and over and over without me realizing.

- Since I have been "sitting here," the piece of hair that had been tirelessly clutching the middle of my back has been successfully located and removed. I realized that I had been blindly swatting myself, shrugging, twitching, itching, all while focusing on something else. I knew I was uncomfortable (how could I not have? I was literally smacking myself like I was doing some sort of weird breakdance move), but I didn't stop to actually do something about it until now. Mission accomplished!

- I drank my entire 24oz bottle of water. This is huge for me. I am a generally dehydrated human being. I fill myself with coffee and beer and run out every ounce of sweat in my body. Methinks that being more mindful of my water consumption is a wise decision. And now, as a result, I am aware that I have to go to the bathroom. The human body is an amazingly predicable creature (when it is not being unpredictable).

- If I am being an honest runner, this is how I feel about my toenails at this point:

(I feel similarly about mustaches)

- I just had a moment. I remembered that I watched the season finale of The Bachelorette last night. I have never watched the show before, but when I turned my TV on at 8pm and it was already on ABC, did I switch it? Nope. 3 hours (and ~300 "what the's?" later) I found myself smiling. Giggling to myself as if I'd just gotten away with something. So much ugly crying. It was so absolutely terrible that I enjoyed it - thoroughly. And I now understand all of the "Juan Pablo" chatter. 

(apparently he is yodeling or something?)

I also found this gem of a BuzzFeed article today, and thank goodness I was not playing this game while watching the finale, because there would have been no hope. And finally, I really think, despite having seen only one episode, that this season could be made into a terrible made for TV movie called "Des Misérables."

So yeah. I watched The Bachelorette. And I'm okay with it.

- If I put on my Burt's Bees chap stick and focus on it for the next few minutes, I can literally feel the oils seeping into the crevices of my lips, permeating the cracks and tingling my skin. It's a pretty intense yet teeny tiny phenomenon. It's kind of like feeling yourself swallow food. You don't notice it until you actively notice it. It's kind of awesome.

- And finally, I just watched this video and am speechless. Rethinking the Bucket List: "Stop bullshitting."