Im BaAaAaAaAck!

I was having a difficult time figuring out how to convey that whole Poltergeist "They're heeeeere" tone in the title of this post...and then I wondered, "why am I trying to convey anything at all from a horror movie...?" Then I started typing, couldn't think of a better title, left the title, and inevitably clicked publish.

The point is: IT HAS BEEN A WHILE and I am just so glad that so many of you relentlessly begged me to spew nonsense again (meaning I am glad none of you did...because that would mean I am doing something expected and since when have I been one to do anything that is expected?) I am sure most of you and reading this giddily giggling like a 90s girl hearing that *NSYNC is having a reunion tour. Or a 90s rap fanatic hearing that Tupac is actually alive and has been living in a Hobbit hole all this time.

Where. To. Begin. -- See that? It's a new hip way of writing. Separate each word by periods, even when there should be a question mark. This is what we call TRENDSETTING. 

Let's start with a photo montage of lately...because I have no idea where to start and quite frankly cannot remember much of what has happened in the past four months. Okay, to be fair to my absentminded self, I remember many things...I just don't have any idea which things happened in my head and which things actually happened...nor do I have real or imaginative events sorted in anything even remotely resembling a chronological order. 

Ah! Yes! I took the most hipster photo...ever? A special thanks to the random grumpleton fisherman who set this up so nicely. This should be published in a magazine featuring pictures of strategically placed PBR cans and girls (and guys for that matter) wearng horn rimmed glasses with clear lenses and scarves bigger than the sheets on their beds (actually, their scarves very well may be sheets).

 I learned that Georgetown too wants what the majority of the world wants (excluding Sam's Club - I am convinced they have a personal vendetta against me...ah, story for another time...)

Never did I ever think I would actually yell the words "Don't you dare fart on me!" to someone other than my dog. And yes, an array of witnesses will attest to this actually happening.

I was a guilty bystander...and this happened to Oliver.

 ...who swiftly got me back with the old "pounce and attack" alarm clock system.

I found a cotton ball, squeezed it, and it exploded into a dog named Bogie.

I went to an Avatar 2 casting call (operating under the pseudonym The Color Run).

Which conveniently lined up with my new mantra.

And finally, I have achieved the ultimate status at work.

So let's start there - work. Welp, I am no longer a swagalicious corporate guru. While that has its perks and opportunities, it was ultimately not the ala mode to my apple pie. To put it simply, I made a decision I am proud of, took a leap of faith I do not regret, and am happy, inspired, rejuvenated, motivated, and other words ending in "ated" (except constipated).

In other news, I've learned quite a lot in the past few months.

I learned that going to a northeastern beach in November is just lovely. When the town is empty and going to the beach means bundling up, wearing sneakers, soaking up bright sunshine, embracing the cool breeze, and hours of mindlessly watching fishermen wade out in giant suspender suits. It means arriving after 9pm on a weeknight and realizing absolutely no establishments are open, and the one local bar that is just stopped serving food. It means almost partaking in a tiny Chinese joint and instead JUST making it to Wawa before they close...a Wawa where the only other customers in the off-season are cops who are clearly regulars ("Hey Officer Jim, I've got that extra soup in the back for ya"). It means seeing 75% of the very few cars that are in the tiny town constantly pulled over for not going the 25mph speed limit (the cops are bored when they're not at Wawa). It means long runs with no cars, no people, no humidity. It is a ghost town that is the anti ghost town. It is dead, and yet alive. The hum of the summer still hovers under the surface like a dim light that knows it is only a matter of time until it explodes again into a blinding gleam. In plain terms: Do it. It's friggin' great. And way cheaper than the summer!

I learned that Harrison Ford is straight up crazy and I love him. And Jimmy Fallon is straight up adorable and I love him.

I learned that firetrucks are a really big hit on birthdays and the fire company has no problem bringing one to an office over lunch or a neighborhood home with lights and siren blaring at 8pm on a weeknight. I also learned that firemen coats and helmets are actually immobilizing. Imagine giving a polar bear wearing a weight vest a piggyback ride...with a baby polar bear clutching to your head.

I learned that placing your phone on a flimsy, unzipped "cooler" is a surefire way to give your phone a nice bath while also conveniently disabling all of its features.

I learned that I want to be Amy Poehler when (if) I grow up (I already knew this one, but it's been reaffirmed on a constant basis, so it still counts).

Amy Poehler epitomizes genuine to me. Not only is she utterly hysterical, but she advocates for good causes, like empowering young girls and giving back to those who are less fortunate. And she is just plain wise, insightful, blunt...genuine. That is and always will be a top five quality in my mind. AND, most importantly, her character on Parks & Recreation has no shame about her waffle and whipped cream addiction."It's the best thing on the menu."

I learned that I can eat an entire box of Wheat Thins in two days (not one of my prouder moments).

I learned that my crush on Tom Hanks will never cease to exist. Have you seen Captain Phillips? Also, can we talk about this? Tom Hanks slam poetry about Full House on Jimmy Fallon? I can't even...AND he has a mustache...I DON'T EVEN CARE.

I learned that (while I may be crucified for this) one of my absolute favorite times ever to go for a run is during a Penn State home football game. Running through town when it is empty and around the stadium when it is full is eerie in a uniquely positive way. Noon games are especially fun when kids are already hammed and often times attempt to tag along on the run for...well, usually just for a few steps before the Old Man Natty Light comes a' knockin' on their heads.

And finally, I learned that I miss writing (and plan to write less jumbled garble and more cohesive garble next time) - I am going to try to get back into this doohickey even if I'm the only one reading it. Actually, now that I think of it, it's probably better that way.

Where I Sit

More often than not I am blissfully unaware of what is actually going on around me. I swear, sometimes I walk into people and walls that I actually see prior to impact. Sometimes I am being spoken to (directly spoken to...like 5 feet away from my face and calling me by name), and I am staring into space. Sometimes I am upset, really upset, and I have no clue (no clue until I overflow into a pond of over-analysis and despair, of course). Sometimes I am so happy about something that I can't even take the time to wrap my mind around and enjoy.

People talk about meditation and the like - truly being with one's surroundings and senses...all that jazz. There is a lot to be said for mindfulness. I like to think I am generally mindful, but know that usually...I am not. How do I know? Because the moments when I realize I am completely in the now, overwhelmed by a beautiful sensory overload, completely aware of every movement and moment around me, I am in simultaneously in awe and at peace. And in those moments, I realize I don't feel this way very often.

When I think about it, I have a really hard time just sitting still and being okay with the fact that I am sitting still. Even if I can't control the random bouncing of my legs or the sporadic twitch in my left eye, it is the moments when I am still enough to be conscious of my body and my thoughts that I really become aware of where I'm at.

Welp, this is where I sit...today:

- I started this post by channeling Ron Swanson:
 

(I obviously cleaned it up a little bit since)

- I sit at my desk, my parking spot of a desk in a giant contractor cube/barn. I sit here on the day that marks exactly one week until my final day at this desk (and my current job at large). What the what? That feeling I'm feeling as I sit here...I think it's called bliss.

- The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. First my apartment flooded, was torn up, and then speckled with an army of heavy duty fans. Thankfully I had a trip to Boston planned and was able to escape. I spent five days in Beantown right after giving my two weeks notice. I arrived home last night, will spend this week packing and cleaning, and then trek back to the wonderful bubble that is State College where I will dog sit for the 'rents while they take a much needed vacation...and then I will nestle into my new apartment. As I sit here, I recognize that the feeling of being in limbo recently is completely appropriate. I don't feel like I still live in my current apartment...I don't feel like I still work at my current job...I don't live in my new apartment yet...and I don't work at my new job yet. Jack be limbo, Jack be quick....

- I have now listened to the same album on repeat 3 times today - not on purpose, but because Spotify has kindly started it over...and over and over without me realizing.

- Since I have been "sitting here," the piece of hair that had been tirelessly clutching the middle of my back has been successfully located and removed. I realized that I had been blindly swatting myself, shrugging, twitching, itching, all while focusing on something else. I knew I was uncomfortable (how could I not have? I was literally smacking myself like I was doing some sort of weird breakdance move), but I didn't stop to actually do something about it until now. Mission accomplished!

- I drank my entire 24oz bottle of water. This is huge for me. I am a generally dehydrated human being. I fill myself with coffee and beer and run out every ounce of sweat in my body. Methinks that being more mindful of my water consumption is a wise decision. And now, as a result, I am aware that I have to go to the bathroom. The human body is an amazingly predicable creature (when it is not being unpredictable).

- If I am being an honest runner, this is how I feel about my toenails at this point:

(I feel similarly about mustaches)

- I just had a moment. I remembered that I watched the season finale of The Bachelorette last night. I have never watched the show before, but when I turned my TV on at 8pm and it was already on ABC, did I switch it? Nope. 3 hours (and ~300 "what the's?" later) I found myself smiling. Giggling to myself as if I'd just gotten away with something. So much ugly crying. It was so absolutely terrible that I enjoyed it - thoroughly. And I now understand all of the "Juan Pablo" chatter. 

(apparently he is yodeling or something?)

I also found this gem of a BuzzFeed article today, and thank goodness I was not playing this game while watching the finale, because there would have been no hope. And finally, I really think, despite having seen only one episode, that this season could be made into a terrible made for TV movie called "Des Misérables."

So yeah. I watched The Bachelorette. And I'm okay with it.

- If I put on my Burt's Bees chap stick and focus on it for the next few minutes, I can literally feel the oils seeping into the crevices of my lips, permeating the cracks and tingling my skin. It's a pretty intense yet teeny tiny phenomenon. It's kind of like feeling yourself swallow food. You don't notice it until you actively notice it. It's kind of awesome.

- And finally, I just watched this video and am speechless. Rethinking the Bucket List: "Stop bullshitting."

An Inclusive Guide to Grocery Stores (From Someone Surrounded by Too Many)

The Paradox of Choice has never been more present than at the current juncture in my life in a variety of aspects, one of the most prominent being when it comes to selecting where to purchase my groceries. At my current abode, I have access to 6+ grocery stores all within about a 5 mile radius. Below is my guide to those I have been exposed to of late:

 
If you want to feel like you have absolutely no control over your wallet, your mind, or your resistance to free samples, Whole Foods is the store for you. This place will reel you in straight from the entrance, where there is typically an employee/wizard/witch mixing up a giant bowl of guacamole/crack for sampling.

This is literally the size of the bowl at the door.

Upon your journey through the store, you will be met with nonsensical "foods" such as Quinoa (surely pronounced Kwin-oh-uh, right? NOPE) and you will think to yourself, "hmm it looks gross, but it sure sounds interesting...and healthy....Look at it, it looks like little brown bubbles...I don't need little brown bubbles...I MUST HAVE LITTLE BROWN BUBBLES. Hmmm, I need some Swiss cheese, but wait, Imported Gourmet Gruyere? GIMME."

And don't get me started on the prepared foods section. I am more guilty than anyone of being suckered into this and spending $20 on one box of a smorgasbord of grub. The first few bites are delicious, but it almost always turns into an "I immediately regret this decision" scenario. And then there are moments like this: "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR - this salad has some meat called 'Beyond Chicken?' What does that even mean?? I have no idea, but will I ever get the opportunity to eat chicken from the beyond again...?"

Unfortunately, it seems that more often than not, if your baby carrots and cantaloupes are "certified organic," chances are you are thereby "certified elitist" and hereby..."certified jack wagon."

In essence, Whole Foods forces consumers to choose between "organic," super duper fresh produce/fish/meat/cheese and peasantry snacks such as Wheat Thins.

Verdict: Wheat Thins win every time.

"You don't know what you got 'til it's gone" has never been more true until I moved far far away from my local State College, PA Wegmans. Truth be told, I knew what I had when I had it, but the withdrawal symptoms associated with not having it are paralyzing (the nearest Wegmans is about 18 miles north which means probably an hour drive in the DC Metro area). Weggies is so much more than a grocery store. Not only are their prepared foods (slightly) less expensive and tastier than Whole Foods, but their own Wegmans brand foods are just delightful. I personally recommend their coffee, cereals, hummus, and sauces (my absolute favorite being their Asian Stir Fry Sauces - if you have been to my apartment in DC, you may have noticed the rather large safety stock inventory of their Sesame Garlic Sauce. This sauce is second only to ketchup. And I think we all know how I feel about ketchup).

Wegmans has steadily balanced itself on the fence between cheap and expensive, making it perfect for the mainstream consumer looking for quality products without the "we're team Globo Gym and we're better than you" feel. Wegmans has quietly been the "first mover" in many areas, and other stores have followed suit.

Most importantly, shoppers can get their high-end, healthy, organic fix, while also indulging in 2 for $5 WHEAT THINS!

When I first stood in front of a Harris Teeter, the usually dormant child residing in my mind snickered, "I'm not mature enough for this name." Upon entering the store, the "enamored by Wegmans" side of me repeatedly shouted "IMPOSTER!" Don't get me wrong, Harris Teeter is a very clean, well stocked, respectable establishment. However, they are no Wegmans. Don't let them fool you. Their prepared foods are severely lacking and are severely overpriced, much like everything else in the store.

People who hate on Trader Joe's are like people who claim to not like Justin Timberlake but secretly listen to his music on repeat via Spotify "privates sessions." TJ's is cheap, delicious, and they are who they say they are. They make their own foods and the employees are clearly evidence of a thorough, fun, and legitimate interview process seeking people who really live the brand.

My TJ's food recommendations:

Surprisingly delicious low cal dressing

Surprisingly delicious low cal dip

If you still need convincing after reading the label, I can't help but feel sorry for you.

Giant is the middle child of grocery stores - caught in between hand-me-downs and growing out of things to hand down. Giant is where coupon binder wielding women go to town. If you happen to need chicken broth, red seedless grapes, "steam fresh" frozen veggies, four boxes of General Mills cereal, and six 2 liter bottles of Pepsi brand soda in one shopping trip, Giant will provide you with the necessary completely random coupons to accommodate your needs for the week.

I must say that one of my favorite aspects of Giant comes to light during the holiday season. The little game of chess I get to play with the Giant employee and/or automated self check-out lady, "Would you like to print out your bonus points coupon now...or wait until October 31st?" Do I want to say 5%? Or wait and see if I can rack up enough to save 10%? OR do I want a FREE THANKSGIVING TURKEY? Granted all of this is entirely reliant on me 1.) stowing the receipt safely away and 2.) remembering to use it.

Safeway is Giant with a different logo.

Weis Markets just doesn't care. Weis is the kid in high school who never went to class and never studied, but somehow managed to stay afloat. Weis is cheap and makes no excuses. Weis is Weis and they are fine with Weis. Even their website features the slogan "Unmistakably Weis." Yup.

My vision of Weis will always be dominated by the borderline pathetic, barely breathing, but strangely lovable Weis right next door to a giant Giant in State College, PA. This Weis usually has 4-5 cars in the parking lot (which lines up nicely with the number of employees in the store...which unearths just how many customers there aren't) while the neighboring Giant boasts a filled-to-the-brim parking lot as well as its own gas station.

Bless you, Weis Markets. I literally don't know how you are still alive.

Walmart is the Ringer of grocery stores. Despite what even I would think, Walmart's products are actually pretty decent. Their produce, bakery, and the like aren't too shabby and are obviously not crazy expensive. Moreover, brand products are almost always less expensive here than anywhere else - sometimes up to an entire dollar less. And when you're like me, mindlessly blowing money on prepared foods at various higher-end establishment, the extra dollars saved on my Pop Tarts and bread goes a long way.

Happy shopping! Enjoy the Paradox of Choice.

An Open Letter to Duck Dynasty

Dear Duck Dynasty,

THANK YOU. 

Thank you for teaching me that something as random and seemingly arbitrary as perfecting the art of duck calling can be worth millions of dollars. Thank you for proving me wrong - when I first heard the name of the show, I assumed it was a cartoon. When I first saw a commercial for the show, I thought it was a joke. When I first watched the show, I smacked myself for so being so blatantly cliche and judging a book by its bearded, down-home, camouflaged, scantily-toothed, good-hearted cover. Thank you for putting pure, simple, fresh entertainment back on television without the need for a Kardashian, a celebrity judge, a rose ceremony, or a "real" housewife. Thank you for the most bizarre, yet most appropriate and clever opening scene I have ever seen on a reality TV show. 

Most importantly, thank you for introducing the world to this guy. 

Meet Si. The rugged brother of Gandalf the Grey in the new age. "Wake up, have a sip of tea, mow a little grass, and if you get tired, take a little nap." Please take a moment to view this MTV-worthy remix of Si's famous slogan:

Without Si, we would not have "Yo Beard" jokes. "Yo beard is so fat not even Dora could explore it." I mean, look at his face as he rattles these off, one after another, like Bubba listing off kinds of shrimp in Forrest Gump.

Without Si, we would not have learned the true language of love. And the Turkey Dance that comes along with it. Who doesn't want to see an old bearded man with fake wings attempting to entice turkeys to mate?

Without Si, these kids would not have been exposed to a potential reality of the trials and tribulations associated with being Santa Claus...or one of his minions. "My parents told me the truth, look how good I turned out." Amen, brotha!

And within all of the unique, bizarre, breath-of-fresh air episodes, thank you, Duck Dynasty for sneakily weaving the importance of family into a completely off-the-wall reality show about duck mating and hunting. Even if you perhaps toss in some scripted lines every now and then, I'll take a few "fake" sentences from a family that genuinely seems to believe what they're saying over a Botox-ridden, put-me-on the-front-page-of-TMZ-please yuppie any day. 

And you know what, even if some of the "characters" practice their lines or their jokes ahead of time, and even if it isn't entirely "reality," so what? It's a show called Duck Dynasty. I didn't exactly go into watching it with a reality detector. But I most certainly come out of watching you with a smile. A goofy, what-the-heck-did-I-just-watch smile. 

Those who know me know that few things make me giddier than quoting movies and TV shows, and Duck Dynasty, you possess an underrated vault chock full of keepers. 

So thank you, Duck Dynasty, for seemingly mindless, yet subconsciously mindful, harmless, goofy, entertainment. Long live the beard.

Peace, love, & Cocoa Puffs,

Tara 

Tomorrow

You know those days where you are just overflowing with things you want to say, but you either:

a) Don't know how to accurately articulate them,
b) Perhaps should not be articulating them at all,
c) Can't even make sense of all those thoughts yourself as it is?

Today is one of those days.

So here is what I will say. Today is Wednesday. It is overcast and muggy outside. I am sitting at my desk, with horrible posture as usual, right leg crossed over the left, both butt cheeks sound asleep. I am sitting here unable to come up with something interesting to write about. I attribute this to there simply being so much I want to say that I can't filter one thing from the next. I can't make sense of one part, let alone the whole thing...and even if I could, I am not even confident that I would be able to figure out what I should say versus what I shouldn't say. And as I reread that, it gives the impression that the thoughts jumbled in my noggin are all stressful, potentially negative thoughts, but alas, that is not the case. Sometimes even the good stuff can be garbled and confusing.

But that's the age-old pickle, isn't it? Those who know me know that I generally lack an adequate filter. I say what's on my mind, good or bad, and don't get embarrassed all that easily, for better or worse (no, that is not a challenge...) And this notion ("this notion" being all of the above) got me thinking about tomorrow.

If we are being honest with ourselves, tomorrow is not a tangible thing. Today is the tomorrow of yesterday. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. We all know this, but more often than not, choose to ignore it (and understandably so). This moment, the moment right now, as you squint at your computer screen, probably regretting delving into this blog post, is the only thing that is concrete. What a responsibility, right? Acknowledging and accepting that every fleeting moment bears the weight of a lifetime. Wondering about all of the potential "what ifs." Heavy stuff, sure, but along with that comes opportunity. Lots of it.

I think sometimes we expect too much of a given day, so much so that it often gets in the way of what each tiny piece of that day has to offer. Sometimes we live moments of silent desperation...silent excitement...silent bliss...we sit on these moments like inflatable donuts for butt injuries. We worry what they mean. We worry what any particular reaction or action may result in. We paralyze ourselves. Maybe if we all relaxed a little more about relaxing...we would be able to relax...enjoy moments and recognize them for what they are: reminders that we are alive. 

Sometimes we run so fast in preparation for tomorrow that we don't actually leave anything left in the tank for tomorrow. And then we inevitably waste tomorrow in preparation for the next tomorrow, hoping it will live up to the "hype."

 

But here's the thing...yes, the sun will come out tomorrow, but the sun is already out today. Sure it may be cloudy where you are, but it's sunny somewhere. And it may be cloudy where you are tomorrow too. Or it may be cloudy somewhere else. The point is, if you spend all of your time waiting for the sun to come out you'll miss out on all of non-weather related parts of the day that might just rock your socks. I for one was really happy for cloud-cover today. Made the 85+ degree, humidity laden air a little more bearable.

It will come across a little morbid, but the truth of the matter is, we are all dying. It's just a matter of when. Why not live in the process? Don't wait for it. Make "tomorrow" now. "Get busy living, or get busy dying."

Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, and don't waste a minute waiting for tomorrow to come. Don't chase tomorrow. Embrace today.  

The Beautiful Weirdness of Lately

The weirdness of lately has rendered me relatively enraptured. I think I've gallivanted across the entire realm of weirdness in recent months. It's been awesome.

As far as I'm concerned, weird is good. In fact, weird is great. Flaws are what separates real from fake. Give it to me raw, unfiltered, and authentic. 

 

According to Merriam-Webster, 'weird' is defined as: 

1.) Of strange or extraordinary character: odd, fantastic

2.) Fate, destiny. 

(Okay, yes, there is also a third definition that says: "of, relating to, or caused by witchcraft or the supernatural" but at the end of that definition, the word "magical" is listed as well...so that much is fitting for my purposes)

 

From eating ketchup with a spoon to slightly bizarre/irrational fears of the bottoms of shoes and shower drains (though I still believe these are completely legit...), I am fairly confident that I've got all facets on the Spectrum of Weird covered.

But the weirdest of all the weird things in my life is without a doubt life itself. Especially in recent weeks, I have found myself enamored by the beautiful weirdness of lately. When I think about what has transpired in the past few months of my life and how straight up weird it is that things are the way they are right now, I am flabbergasted. What if "X" had never happened? What if "Y" did happen? How different would my current state of being be? The tiniest of things can completely shift the course we are on and the direction we are headed. The smallest smidgen of fate or coincidence can yield entirely different outcomes. Life is not a prerecorded tape...it is LIVE. And as Bill O'Reilly knows, sometimes you just have to accept that and say "F*ck it! We'll do it live!" (warning...explicit language in that link).

For instance, if I hadn't absentmindedly forgotten my laptop and turned around halfway to the Metro this morning, would I still have ended up sitting next to and chatting with the most charming old man who told me I reminded him of Lucille Ball? Probably not. And anyone who knows me knows that something as simple as that absolutely made my Monday. What better way to start the week? Yeah, I'm weird.

 

Obviously that example is a on a fairly small scale in the grand scheme of life, but sometimes it is those seemingly small scale things that domino their way through to something much bigger. A random event, a spur of the moment visit, an instance where something or someone just clicks...moments in time where you're left sitting, smiling, shaking your head, and chuckling to yourself, "How on earth did I get here? What plot twist resulted in this? And how lucky am I that it did?" And it's not just random things happening to each of us that spur the ol' Butterfly Effect. How we act and react have just as much of an impact on our own fates and those of the people around us.

I say this: Embrace the weird. Flaunt the weird. Pay attention to the weird. Because the weird is what stands out, separates the beauty from the norm, and opens doors you may not have even realized existed in the first place. The weird is where the heart is.

WE ARE...WEIRD!

Screw normalcy.

Do This...Now

1.) Send someone you care about a note. In the mail (save the Postal Service! I hope those who know me are chuckling). Use a stamp (a Forever Stamp if you're a real champ...if you don't know about Forever Stamps you're being duped). Bonus points if you sneak in a "buy 1 box of Wheat Thins get one free" coupon, a lottery ticket, or a Dunkin Donuts gift card.

2.) Leave a nice note (in addition to a nice tip) on a meal receipt for exceptional service. If you have ever been a server, you will know how difficult it is to take the blame for undercooked veggies, ice melting too quickly in a beverage, and of course, the incorrect preparation of a hunk of meat. And even if you have never worked in hospitality services...there's this thing called "being nice and not being an asshole." It's a pretty simple concept.

3.) Sneeze into your elbow. Seriously people. Sneezing into the open air is bad enough, but sneezing into your hands is even worse. Elbow pits, I tell ya! You don't touch anything with those!

4.) FLOSS. Not only is this one of the healthiest habits out there, but I personally do not particularly care to see popcorn kernels and spinach coming out to play in between your teeth. Nor do I want to see you picking at your teeth in a hasty attempt to remove said popcorn kernels and spinach.

5.) Going off of the above...if someone has food in their teeth...TELL THEM (especially if it's me). I obviously shouldn't speak for the entire population, but I for one would appreciate being notified that my smile looks more like a picket fence overgrown with weeds.

6.) Log onto Spotify (if you don't have Spotify, step 1 is download Spotify) and listen to an ENTIRE ALBUM of a band you truly love. Long gone are the days where we appreciated how much thought and care went into creating an album as a story. Those song placements where the ending of one song so flawlessly meshes into the start of the next, and every song has something to offer even if that doesn't mean Top 40 single status...my preliminary recommendations are below (with a song to add a little more flavor):

• Ben Howard - Every Kingdom

The Fear

• Young the Giant -Young the Giant

Cough Syrup

• The Avett Brothers - I And Love And You 

   The Perfect Space

• Local Natives - Gorilla Manor (Their new album "Hummingbird" is amazing too)

Who Knows Who Cares

 

• Lord Huron - Lonesome Dreams

Time To Run

• OneRepublic - Native

I Lived

Okay, I could clearly do this all day. Onto the next...

7.) Put Middleswarth BBQ chips on a tuna fish sandwich. Just trust me on this one.

8.) Smile and say hello to someone you pass by even if you forget their name...or don't know them at all. Sharing even the littlest but of positive energy can go a long way. Generating one smile in someone else might be that one thing they needed to successfully hop from the sad side of the fence to the happy side.
 

9.)  Go somewhere and do something with someone you care about. Turn your phone off.

10.) Watch. This.

11.)  Take a mental break. Watch an entire season of something silly like Duck Dynasty on Netflix, eat nothing but snacks, and embrace the inevitable body-shaped imprint on your couch.

12.)  Take more pictures. And not just for Instagram and Facebook's sake, but so you can capture the most fleeting of moments with a plethora of memories behind them. Few things are more smile-inducing than going through old pictures and being exponentially flooded with one memory after another like one of those funky Russian dolls with more Russian dolls inside of them. Ferris Bueller said it best: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

13.) Learn about random things. I recommend doing this via Ze Frank YouTube videos. They are ridonkulous. Two of my favorites (keep in mind, the word "true" is used quite loosely in these...)

 True Facts About The Hedgehog

   True Facts About Morgan Freeman

14.) Document random days with people you love and turn them into holidays for future celebration. Leslie Knope is the queen of this notion.

15.) Give ketchup a chance. It makes everything better. Stop denying the truth, people!

16.) Stop telling me how much you hate Keeping Up With The Kardashians before subsequently detailing every episode.

17.) Please...enough with the "should ofs." Should HAVE. Should have never said "should of" is what you shoulda done.

18.) Go after what you want. No one else will. Sure, honesty and vulnerability are scary and it's there is less risk in sticking to the old the routine, but life is not meant to be monotonous. It's meant to be raw, unfiltered, and meaningful. Don't bop around and wait like this corgi, it won't get you anywhere and you don't have the adorable bouncing ears to make it look cute.

19.)  Admit that Sheetz > Wawa. Admitting it is the first step to recovery.

20.)  Shout it out and release it from the heart.