The point is: IT HAS BEEN A WHILE and I am just so glad that so many of you relentlessly begged me to spew nonsense again (meaning I am glad none of you did...because that would mean I am doing something expected and since when have I been one to do anything that is expected?) I am sure most of you and reading this giddily giggling like a 90s girl hearing that *NSYNC is having a reunion tour. Or a 90s rap fanatic hearing that Tupac is actually alive and has been living in a Hobbit hole all this time.
Where. To. Begin. -- See that? It's a new hip way of writing. Separate each word by periods, even when there should be a question mark. This is what we call TRENDSETTING.
Let's start with a photo montage of lately...because I have no idea where to start and quite frankly cannot remember much of what has happened in the past four months. Okay, to be fair to my absentminded self, I remember many things...I just don't have any idea which things happened in my head and which things actually happened...nor do I have real or imaginative events sorted in anything even remotely resembling a chronological order.
Ah! Yes! I took the most hipster photo...ever? A special thanks to the random grumpleton fisherman who set this up so nicely. This should be published in a magazine featuring pictures of strategically placed PBR cans and girls (and guys for that matter) wearng horn rimmed glasses with clear lenses and scarves bigger than the sheets on their beds (actually, their scarves very well may be sheets).
I learned that Georgetown too wants what the majority of the world wants (excluding Sam's Club - I am convinced they have a personal vendetta against me...ah, story for another time...)
Never did I ever think I would actually yell the words "Don't you dare fart on me!" to someone other than my dog. And yes, an array of witnesses will attest to this actually happening.
I was a guilty bystander...and this happened to Oliver.
...who swiftly got me back with the old "pounce and attack" alarm clock system.
I found a cotton ball, squeezed it, and it exploded into a dog named Bogie.
I went to an Avatar 2 casting call (operating under the pseudonym The Color Run).
Which conveniently lined up with my new mantra.
And finally, I have achieved the ultimate status at work.
So let's start there - work. Welp, I am no longer a swagalicious corporate guru. While that has its perks and opportunities, it was ultimately not the ala mode to my apple pie. To put it simply, I made a decision I am proud of, took a leap of faith I do not regret, and am happy, inspired, rejuvenated, motivated, and other words ending in "ated" (except constipated).
In other news, I've learned quite a lot in the past few months.
I learned that going to a northeastern beach in November is just lovely. When the town is empty and going to the beach means bundling up, wearing sneakers, soaking up bright sunshine, embracing the cool breeze, and hours of mindlessly watching fishermen wade out in giant suspender suits. It means arriving after 9pm on a weeknight and realizing absolutely no establishments are open, and the one local bar that is just stopped serving food. It means almost partaking in a tiny Chinese joint and instead JUST making it to Wawa before they close...a Wawa where the only other customers in the off-season are cops who are clearly regulars ("Hey Officer Jim, I've got that extra soup in the back for ya"). It means seeing 75% of the very few cars that are in the tiny town constantly pulled over for not going the 25mph speed limit (the cops are bored when they're not at Wawa). It means long runs with no cars, no people, no humidity. It is a ghost town that is the anti ghost town. It is dead, and yet alive. The hum of the summer still hovers under the surface like a dim light that knows it is only a matter of time until it explodes again into a blinding gleam. In plain terms: Do it. It's friggin' great. And way cheaper than the summer!
I learned that Harrison Ford is straight up crazy and I love him. And Jimmy Fallon is straight up adorable and I love him.
I learned that firetrucks are a really big hit on birthdays and the fire company has no problem bringing one to an office over lunch or a neighborhood home with lights and siren blaring at 8pm on a weeknight. I also learned that firemen coats and helmets are actually immobilizing. Imagine giving a polar bear wearing a weight vest a piggyback ride...with a baby polar bear clutching to your head.
I learned that placing your phone on a flimsy, unzipped "cooler" is a surefire way to give your phone a nice bath while also conveniently disabling all of its features.
I learned that I want to be Amy Poehler when (if) I grow up (I already knew this one, but it's been reaffirmed on a constant basis, so it still counts).
Amy Poehler epitomizes genuine to me. Not only is she utterly hysterical, but she advocates for good causes, like empowering young girls and giving back to those who are less fortunate. And she is just plain wise, insightful, blunt...genuine. That is and always will be a top five quality in my mind. AND, most importantly, her character on Parks & Recreation has no shame about her waffle and whipped cream addiction."It's the best thing on the menu."
I learned that I can eat an entire box of Wheat Thins in two days (not one of my prouder moments).
I learned that my crush on Tom Hanks will never cease to exist. Have you seen Captain Phillips? Also, can we talk about this? Tom Hanks slam poetry about Full House on Jimmy Fallon? I can't even...AND he has a mustache...I DON'T EVEN CARE.
I learned that (while I may be crucified for this) one of my absolute favorite times ever to go for a run is during a Penn State home football game. Running through town when it is empty and around the stadium when it is full is eerie in a uniquely positive way. Noon games are especially fun when kids are already hammed and often times attempt to tag along on the run for...well, usually just for a few steps before the Old Man Natty Light comes a' knockin' on their heads.
And finally, I learned that I miss writing (and plan to write less jumbled garble and more cohesive garble next time) - I am going to try to get back into this doohickey even if I'm the only one reading it. Actually, now that I think of it, it's probably better that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment