It's Not A Love/Hate Relationship, DC. It's A Meh/Meh Relationship

"Meh" is an appropriate word for many reasons. First and foremost, let's face it DC, you are chock full of hipsters. Hipsters say meh. Second, you are chock full of bureaucrats. Bureaucrats make people feel meh. Thirdly, meh is the epitome of "on the fence." One can be "meh...kinda like it." Or "meh...not really feelin' it." So, DC, our relationship is meh/meh. I kinda sorta like you, and I'm kinda sorta over you.

Admittedly, I have explored probably 1/100th of your repertoire. I am entitled to my opinions nonetheless, however off or on point they may be.

You have your charms, oh capital of ours.

First of all, the sunrises/sunsets around here are cuh-razy.

Sunrise crossing the Potomac on the way to work.

Sunset on the way home.

So much going on in this picture. Crazy sky + planes, trains, and iPhones.

On the road in Alexandria. Bright lights fighting for attention.

All of those photos were taken on the Metro or on the street before/after work. Nothing like a little, "Holy shit planet Earth is friggin' ridonkulous" to serve as a perspective defibrillator and and awe generator.

And then there are those rare gems of Metro car drivers...like the guy who trumps even the best song on my iPod. Every morning, I eagerly await the voice over the loudspeaker, hoping to hear, "Welcome aboard the Yellow line en route to your very own L'Enfant Plaza" as opposed to the usual "This is a yellow line train. Doors closing." And it gets better...as we approach our destination (or mine at least), he says things like, "We seem to have a straggler on the platform, so be forewarned, we will be coming to a stop. But don't get up just yet, we ain't quite there." Most drivers just stop. Like dead stop (which, okay, is often a bit amusing to me given that I live near the end of the line and almost always have a seat, so I get to watch those idly standing tumble around like bowling pins). Then the voice returns with a friendly, "Well, it looks like it is our turn, folks. This is L'Enfant Plaza, in case you forgot. Have a wonderful day and thank you for choosing to ride Metro." What better way to cheer up at 7am on my way to work than feeling like I'm riding a tram from the parking lot to the Magic Kingdom at Disney World? Let's just say it makes me wanna bop off the train like this:

And then there's the food trucks.

I know many big cities have these, but do they have Curbside Cupcake? I think not.







This little bit of Heaven on wheels even has an iPhone app to track the truck. Not that I would do that or anything. But if I did, it might have something to do with this army of uh-maze-balls Oatmeal Raisin cupcakes...



And of course the history of the city is great and all. I'm obligated to say that, right? There are surely secret service agents or just really bananas historians keeping residents in check to make sure AMURICAN pride is all around. But yeah, it's pretty cool when you realize you accidentally strolled right by the White House with a midnight burrito in hand. Not that I would do that either.

Just stopped by to say hello on Election Night.

And then there's Old Town Alexandria, my humble abode.

King Street = Allen Street (from Penn State) on uppers.

And don't even get me started on the Mt. Vernon Trail.

**These pictures are not my own...I don't snap photos while I run...but they true to the scenery. However, they are NOT a true reflection of the activity on the trail. They are wildly misleading in terms of traffic. I fear my days of NOT getting utterly destroyed by a maniac cyclist are wearing thin.**

The community in general is refreshingly, albeit slightly obnoxiously, active all around. From the Capital BikeShare, to Pacers Running Stores, to bike paths lined like roads, to trails through the woods, past the Washington Monument, along the Potomac, all the way to good old GW's former home in Mt. Vernon...it's not the worst place in the world to run (minus the above not about potential annihilation by bicycle)

But DC, my dear, you have your downsides

This is usually how I feel when I get my bar tab:

Let it be known that while Yuengling Lager is a wonderful beer, it is not a coveted import from Belgium. And it should never cost $6+ unless it is a 40oz beer. Moreover, Miller Lite should never cost as much unless it is a 100oz beer.

Then there's L'Enfant Plaza after 6pm. Fun fact: this is where I work on my current project. It's not terribly horrible if I take the Metro and don't even have to go above ground to get from the office to the train (though a coworker did witness a man wearing only an open trench coat trying to walk down the up escalator...while lettin' it all hang out...and naturally flop around a bit given the endeavor in which he had partaken). Should I ever drive to work, however, the area surrounding the closest parking garage by the waterfront is the local hangout for some of the weirdest, creepiest, shadiest, naked-est, highest, drunkest...you get the idea.

And the Metro on the weekends. A few Sundays ago I went into the city to meander around with a friend and relax. After wearing ourselves out, I went to a metro station with the line that should have taken me back to my place easy peasy Japanesey. Of course, however, being a Sunday when fewer trains run, I had to wait probably 15 minutes for a train...only to find out that the line I needed was closed between certain stations for track work. The point of this story is I ended up having to transfer lines 3 times (aka get on and off 3 different trains), all of which required a 10+ minute wait, and what should have been a 20-30 minute trip took an hour and 15 minutes. I think the biggest downside of this story is not the fact that this trip was unbelievably long and annoying, but that it has now led to me bestowing this annoyance upon you by making you read this horribly confusing and unnecessary rant of a paragraph. END. 

And the equation of death: Persistent name-droppers + rat-racers + corporate biggots + bureaucratic dingleberries + hipsters + entitled products of family inheritances + college students = Most of the U Street bars.

At first I'm like...

 

And then I'm like...

Also, this guy lives here. And people love him.
 

Alexander Ovechkin. Consider yourself lucky if you don't know who he is.

And then there are those moments when I get the e-mail saying my obnoxious rent is due...

And finally, the inside scoop on a little known fact about our nation's capital and its surrounding area...a lot of people live here. 

 

And these are the roads they drive on.

 

 

So when I have to venture out into the world of DC traffic I begin my trek hesitantly...

And then inevitably end up like this.

So I guess what I'm trying to say, DC, is that we can work through things for now, but eventually we are going to have a heart to heart to see where this is going. For now, I will enjoy your charms and accept your intricacies...for now.

Gifs via Buzzfeed, Imgur, random Google searches