Life Is Friggin' Fragile, Man

January 2nd, 2013

Firstly, this entry is going to start out as a ramble that, by the time I end up posting it, will have occurred days beforehand. 

Secondly, this post probably won't be the hunky-doriest of posts. Sometimes embracing pain, loss, sadness, and the like can be refreshing...cleansing almost. Way more productive than chugging some lemon juice, maple syrup, goopy death concoction for days or something.

So many thoughts and feelings are ambushing my mind right now. Every brainwave is racing, stopping, starting, making illegal U-turns, switching lanes without signaling...a Kardashian-sized buttload of emotions, all trying to merge together at once...like an exit at Tyson's Corner on the Capital Beltway...a thousand times over. And yet at the same time I am like, totally zenned out. The language in that sentence, I assure you, was intentional (I hope you don't think I say "like, totally" on a regualr basis). It was intentional because while feelings mentally dizzy right now, I simultaneously feel like Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Like everything has slowed down, and become very clear and very fuzzy all at once.

A few days ago, the Dean of the Schreyer Honors College at Penn State unexpectedly lost his 8 year old son, Mack. On New Year's Eve he was taken to the hospital, and by New Year's Day he was gone. I never knew his son, and I don't really Dean Brady on a personal level other than hearing him speak at SHC events, occasionally running into him on campus, and conversing on social media, but this news makes my heart ache, hard.

It's sad and unfortunate that the sheer fragility of life is often only realized when it is taken away. Of all the cliches that too often hold true, that one is the worst. Seriously. And I am so friggin' guilty of it. If my previous posts haven't already made that clear. It is so hard to actively appreciate and be conscious of the importance of every fleeting moment. And obviously it is simply not realistic to do so, but that doesn't mean it is not worth trying. We get so caught up hurtling through time faster and faster, disregarding our emotions, shluffing off those who are important to us, taking for granted the things and people we claim to hold dear, and succumbing to laziness and the status quo. And moreover, much of the time we are scared. Scared to feel, scared to love, scared to let ourselves hurt. Sometimes having the courage to rip off all of the band aids we put on and expose our wounds to life is a necessary evil in order to heal, recognize, appreciate, and ultimately make skin stronger. 

And even as I type this, I fully recognize that I am being a ginormous hypocrite. But at least I'm trying...the first step is recognizing and admitting flaws...right?

January 6, 2013

In the days that have passed since, I have felt a warmth that I can't really articulate. I actually just sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of the right word. I can't. This warmth emulates from the outpouring of love I have witnessed. The spirit of a community, a university, friends, family, strangers...coming together to honor a boy they may never have even known simply because they care about PEOPLE. Moreover, the Brady family's response to such an intense loss...the courage, strength, resilience, and grace...has been inspiring to say the least.

Geez, listen to me being a sappy wannabe life advice columnist. Oh well. I still think that the above ramblings are worth letting out. And you know what, they are not ramblings without a cause. I typed what I felt and still am...unfiltered and honey badger don't care. Nevertheless, I am going to end them here.

If you want to feel the warmth from sadness I described, check out Dean Brady's blog.

An avid soccer junky, Mack's dream was to play for the US National Soccer Team. A soccer scholarship is therefore being established in his honor. I hope that you will consider donating to Mack's memory here or by sending a check, payable to Penn State with “In memory of Mack Brady” in the memo line, to: Penn State University, One Old Main, University Park, PA 16802.

 
I promise to post something happier soon, but it was important to me to share this.