Don't get me wrong, I'm still distinctly confused and lost in the weeds of a new "life," per se, but it's a controlled chaos...a contained confusion. In other words, I recognize that I have no idea what I am doing, but I on the same token, I have this persistent feeling that soon enough, my head will be above water. I'll get there.
Maybe it's because working full-time for the first time has been a little draining. I have my Monday-Friday routine and I get in the zone, but it's hard to have motivation to do much on the weekends, let alone weeknights, when all I really want to do is this:
Maybe it's because of things like this:
A story about amazing people with amazing hearts. And wee little pups with missing teeth and half a jaw that still jump around in merriment and give kisses galore.
Maybe it's because I recently got hooked on Parks & Recreation, and it engulfs me in warm fuzzies...and because Leslie Knope, while being admittedly bananas, is the epitome of a class-act humanoid. Moreover, she sees no shame in excessive waffle and whipped cream consumption.
And Ron Swanson is...f*cking Ron Swanson.
Maybe it's because I've been watching a lot of TV in general lately, and all of these Christmas episodes have me feeling cheesy and nostalgic (especially the old school ones..."A Very Topanga Christmas," anyone?). Conveniently enough, these shows have made a noticeable resurgence in my life, as my mornings now very much mirror those of the past. The hour between 7am and 8am used to be spent watching Boy Meets World and Saved By The Bell before school. Now that hour is spent doing the exact same thing...before work.
Maybe it's because I'm soaking up that tried and true notion that I have my "whole life ahead of me," and no matter how badly a given day may pan out, I am not trapped, this is not the end, these are not the droids I was looking for. The DC lifestyle, government consulting, and good old DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) traffic are only going to improve my patience (I HAVE to believe this). What I am struggling with now will not be a forever struggle (though I fear my addiction to Wheat Thins is here to stay).
Maybe it's because of people like my dear friend Richie...(one of those friends that "stuck") who quit his job and went back to school in an admirable fashion... to pursue what he really wanted to do. I think many of us wish we had the guts to do something like that. He designed a few custom holiday cards for yours truly on Adobe Fireworks, which positively delighted me. He kind of rocks.
Maybe at the crux of this is the biggest cliché of all: the fact that I actually moved away from the comforts of home. Only people who grew up townies of State College can truly understand this particular kind of comfort (because it is unique to State College...but if your from somewhere else don't get your panties in a bunch--your home is unique and great too, yadda yadda yadda). But having grown up in this here bubble of ours, actually moving away brings a whole new perspective to life. State College is generally protected from the outside world. The worst part of the storm usually goes around us, the "big" crimes involve drunken brawls outside Canyon Pizza at 3am, and running outside at 10pm is something I never barely even thought twice about. The people are loyal, proud, and kind, the town is just big and small enough, things like great hiking, running, sports, etc. are easily accessible, the bars have good beer (and often have their own breweries), the restaurants have good food, and...Wegmans. And...in the face of the greatest adveristy this town has ever seen, we are just fine. Battered and bruised, yeah, a little...'tis but a scratch...
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that some random combination of things, from TV shows to relocations have brought me a greater appreciation...a deeper perspective...and a stocking stuffed to the brim with lovin' and love to give. I can't pinpoint what exactly this means or how I got here, but even the slightest nugget of wisdom, feeling of awareness, sense of direction, consciousness, and perspective help remind me of what is important, where I am headed, and where I want to be.
If you're stressed out about the holiday season...just stop. If you're the reason why someone else is stressed out about the holiday season...just stop. As one of my favorite Irishmen and writers, Oscar Wilde, says: "Life is far too important a thing to ever talk seriously about."
Cheers, y'all.
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